I think I just needed this chat as rambling to my blog is so therapeutic to me and I hope that my words maybe help someone else and reassure them that someone is feeling the same. When you are reading this I am moving to university in about a week and quite frankly I have no idea how I feel about it… so I’m going to have one long ramble and see where it gets me. I was inspired to write this post after Molly (@beautyspectrum) posted a video about the same topic a few days ago (click here to be redirected). I know that watching someone going through the same emotion made me feel a lot better about the situation so I’m hoping that writing my feelings down might help others. Even if it makes one person feel less alone, I think that opening up about this topic is worth posting.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy with the results that I got and I achieved my goal but the reality is that I don’t want to go to university. I don’t like change and I am very much a homebird, so moving into a city that I have only visited a handful of times terrifies me. I like having my comfort blanket in the shape of my family, boyfriend and friendship group (that I have had for about 4 years now) around me and it makes me feel uneasy when I know that this is going to change soon. I feel like over the past few weeks I have not been feeling myself, I just have this sadness looming because I know that my whole life is going to change so much in the next month. The amount of times that I have considered dropping out of university in the last few weeks has been insane but I know that going will be the best path for me to take, both personally and professionally. Its not that I don’t want to get a degree… its that I don’t want the huge change of moving out. Everyone is going off in their different directions and I am definitely ready to meet more likeminded people but equally I don’t want to lose some of the connections that I have made and end up in a city alone.
I will definitely be coming home a lot when I’m at university and something I have found is that it is very looked down upon whenever I have mentioned it to anyone. People seem to end up going to university and only coming home when they have to, such as Christmas and summer. I can definitely say that the typical university lifestyle won’t be me, especially not for the first year. I’m only 2 hours away on the train and I will be coming home to see my family as often as I can. I work better and I will be happier at home, plus considering I am moving to the centre of a city I think that I will appreciate the peace and quiet of my rural home. That might change when I get there (and potentially fall in love with city life) but for now that is my plan.
In addition to that I feel like people are so excited about the nightlife. Don’t get me wrong I do like to go out and party but the very idea of freshers week makes me feel so uneasy. I have only had a handful of nights out since turning 18 and as much as I do like a drink or two, I am not a huge drinker and the idea of nightclubbing every single night just scares me. It might be a misconception and stereotype of university students but I hope I make a group of friends that are more up my street and would rather have some cocktails at a nice bar than blow their whole budget on shots at 4am in Tiger Tiger before staggering home as they can’t afford an uber. Which leads me onto my next point. I am scared that by not following the typical ‘student night out’ trend that I will isolate myself and come across as introverted. It is such a stereotypical fear that everyone has but I am so scared that I won’t make friends… and being alone in a city is not a nice thought. Deep down I do know that I will make friends but trying to find the more introverted people is more difficult because they are… well being introverted. Send any tips for making university friends my way!
Now onto some of the positive things as I am actually excited about many aspects of university life, I’m just not 100% quite yet. I love the idea of exploring Leeds, as although I have visited it a handful of times I have never actually experienced the city properly. I have never lived in anywhere other than my small town, and although I am nervous about moving away from my comfort zone I am so excited to live in a city. From being a young age I have always been on city breaks and I have absolutely loved staying city centres so I am curious to see if I still have that love for a city when I have lived there. I’m sure the novelty will wear off but I like the idea of having everything on my doorstep for the next few years. Where I live now it is a 20 minute drive to the nearest town centre but in Leeds everything will be within walking distance, I can’t wait! There will be many afternoon spent writing essays in all the quirky coffee shops I’m sure. Plus I do think that my blog will benefit from living in a city, as there will be so many more opportunities such as events and even some more places to review. I would love to do a whole series on my blog of ‘student friendly Leeds locations’ reviewing coffee shops, bars and restaurants etc. Let me know if this is something that you are interested in!
My course is something else that I need to touch on, because after all that is the whole reason that I am moving to Leeds and why I am going to university. The course is my dream and I am so excited to study at the university, plus the PPE group chat that we made is lovely. Honestly I have a little leaflet in my room with all of the module information on and if ever I am having doubts about going to university I just have a read of that. It reminds me that it is the right course for me and I am doing the right thing. I love new academic challenges and this course is perfect for that. Don’t get me wrong, summer has been fab but I am equally looking forward to getting back into the swing of academia and studying.
This will definitely not be the last time that you hear of me moving into university, as I have quite a few blog posts lined up linking to university and student life. I have decided that I am going to write a few posts towards the end of the month which is a ‘moving in’ diary series. I think that the people who speak the loudest are the people who are excited about university (and often extroverted) so I would love to do some honest and raw posts where I talk about how I am feeling. They may not be the most positive posts ever but I want to share the realities of it, as so many people do ‘room tours’ and other things like that but never mention the homesick feeling or the other side to the exciting freshers week. I think that being more honest about it will prepare others and give them an actual representation and it is something that I would have like to see before I move so hopefully that it will help others like me.
So there is a huge ramble and a life update, although I hope that hearing my ramble might help others. As you can probably see by reading this, I have such mixed feelings about university and I think that the nerves are just heating up now that I am so close to moving. If you are moving to university soon or are a sturdy currently, please message me! I need to be reassured and would love to chat to anyone who is feeling a similar way to me.